Put Your Hands Together

For William Wilberforce

 

Jesus answered and said unto him,

If a man love me, he will keep my words. . . .

                                                — John 14:23a

 

            The movie, Amazing Grace, about the Englishman who spent his life getting rid of the slave trade, reminded me of one of my Great Moments in Parenting.

 

            It started during an archaeology dig in the baking cupboard. I found a half-used sack of nuts from 1982. Since my DNA molecules spell out "c-h-e-a-p," I opened it to see if they were any good.

 

            Out flew two dozen little bitty moths.

 

            Ewwwww!

 

            Just then, the girls came walking up the driveway from the schoolbus. They saw me through the kitchen window, running around clapping my hands in the air, first left, then right. To the busload of their peers, it looked like Mrs. Williams had been hitting the cooking sherry again.

 

             "Geez, Mom," the girls said.

           

            I told them I was swatting the moths. They were skeptical.

 

            They spotted the long, tan, ugly cleome pods on the kitchen counter. Pink, purple and white cleomes (klee-OH-mees) are my favorite flower, the Queen of the Garden. In the early spring, I collect the pods from the year before, and cut them open for seeds. You have to do this before the pods burst in the spring sun or you'll have cleome boldly going where no cleome has gone before.

 

            The pods were on the counter, near the ingredients for Cafeteria Surprise.

 

             "Geez, Mom," the girls said. "Moths and pods, right by our food. Ewww!"

 

            Well, "pod-on" ME!

 

            I'm just TRYING to have a LIFE here! I'm SORRY if my cooking, cleaning and gardening get in your WAY!!!

 

            Geeeeeeez.

 

            At dinner, the kids raved about some new teen idols, with skunk mullets, tongue piercings and wretched songs that oozed angst. Oozed, I say!

 

            And THESE were their role models? Bah! I sprang into counter-attack:

 

             "Have you ever heard of William Wilberforce? He should be your hero! I read about him today. He lived in England about 200 years ago. He really must've loved Jesus, and lived out his faith with a lot of courage.

 

             "He was short and sickly, but he was rich. He got into Parliament, and devoted his life to ending the slave trade by British ships out of Africa.

 

            "There was so much money in slavery, powerful people wanted to keep it. He got beat up, ridiculed in the press, took death threats and had to have a bodyguard. But he was a devout Christian, and knew slavery was wrong. So he hung in there and got the job done. Three days after slavery was finally outlawed, he died, a happy man!''

 

            They stared at me. Their dad just kept chewing.

 

            Just then, I saw another one of those itty bitty moths overhead. From my seat, I extended my hands high in the air trying to get it, talking all the while. It fluttered just out of reach.

 

            "So that's why. . ."

 

            CLAP!

 

            ". . . your heroes ought to be guys like. . ."

 

            CLAP!

 

            ". . . William Wilberforce!"

 

            CLAP!

 

            They didn't see the moth. They thought I was losing it in my excitement over this antique dude, clapping ecstatically for him, like at a rock concert.

 

            Jordan spoke for them all:

 

            "Geez, Mom. PUT YOUR HAAAAAAAAANDS TOGETHER FOR WILLIAM WILBERFORCE?!?!?!?!"

 

            They all burst out laughing. Mom's so weird!

 

            We stared at each other . . . across the generation gap.

 

            Just then, from the kitchen:

 

            POW!

 

            KAPOW!

 

            BANG!

 

            KAPOW!

 

            POW!

 

            BANG!

 

            Everybody hit the dirt.

 

            But it wasn't a band of terrorists machine-gunning the kitchen. My Cafeteria Surprise wasn't THAT bad.

 

            No, the cleome pods had simply chosen that moment to burst.

 

            Round, dark seeds were bouncing all over the counters and floors, while a flock of those itty bitty moths danced overhead.

 

            A nightmare scene. Oozing angst!

 

            You know, you work your fingers to the BONE to give kids Christian values and empathy for the downtrodden, and you point them to positive role models who live for God. And THIS is the thanks you get?

 

            Geez, Lord!

 

            Wonder if Wilber Wilberforce ever got into the cooking sherry? They say he died a happy man. †