When You Don't Know
Beans
And now, little children,
abide in him;
that, when he shall appear,
we may have confidence,
and not be ashamed before him at his
coming.
-- 1 John 2:28
A friend once commented
that she was enjoying motherhood because her kids still thought she "hung the
moon." It's nice to be admired. Yeah, well, it's also nice to DESERVE to be
admired.
Last week, I
pulled a few bonehead plays. For my job as a magazine editor for a national TV
network that covers rural America, RFD-TV, I call and email all over the
country gathering stories. Well, I was emailing back and forth with this lady
in rural Georgia, whose folk art work I was going to feature in the magazine.
She emailed me a photo of one of her favorite pieces:
"Oh!" I emailed
back. "What an amazing job you do with yarn! That's a beautiful hooked rug."
She didn't email
me right back. I think she was in hysterics. Finally, she wrote back:
No, those were
BEANS and PEAS that she glued in place, to make the picture.
Ohhhhhhhh! Which
makes ME someone who LITERALLY "don't know beans."
She was very warm
and gracious about it. But still. Sigh.
The next day, I
was working on another story for the magazine about English shepherds. These
are the quintessential farm dogs: herders, guardians and beloved pets, all
rolled into one. Your grandparents might have had one, called "Old Shep."
English shepherds
had nearly disappeared as dog breeders worked on specialization such as the
show collie's thick coat or a heeler's more aggressive style of herding. But
now the breed is making a comeback.
So I was emailing
back and forth with an expert on them in a faraway state. I had noticed in my
research that the English shepherd's herding style was described as different
than that of many stock dogs.
So I wrote, "Why
are they considered 'loose-mouthed'"?
Again, there was a
pause in cyberspace. She probably hurt herself falling down laughing. Then she
composed herself, and composed this reply:
"You must mean
'loose-eyed.' I don't know about 'loose-mouthed' . . . sounds like prone
to gossip ;-)."
AAAIIIEEE!!!
Turns out "loose-eyed"
is a term used to describe herding dogs that approach livestock with an upright
posture and free-moving style. They don't freeze, crouch, and stare, like a
Border Collie or "strong-eyed" dog. The "loose-eyed"
approach is probably more traditional for herding dogs. It tends to go with a
calmer, less obsessive temperament.
Loose lips sink
ships. ANOTHER person thinks I'm an idiot. She, too, was warm and gracious. But
STILLLLLLLLLL. Sigh.
To top it off,
an hour later, I found out that one of
my old college roommates, Patricia Russell Breckenridge, had been named to the
Missouri Supreme Court:
WHOA! Patty Cakes!
What an honor! At the pinnacle of all lawyers in her state! The queen of
dignity and smarts! It's, like, the coolest thing that's ever happened to
anybody I know. And I was in her WEDDING!!!!
But of course, as
humans do, my next thought was: "WAH! Look at HER, and then look at ME, with my
don't-know-beans and loose lips!!!"
Then, as children
do, my child made my emotional boo-boo's alllll better.
That afternoon,
when Maddy, 7, came home from school, she pulled a large, red paper something
out of her backpack and handed it to me, beaming:
"What's this?" I
asked.
"It's a Greek
pot," she replied.
"But that's me on
it!"
"That's because we
were supposed to put our hero in it, and you're my hero, Mom!!!"
Awwwwww. I felt
much better. I even overlooked the unwanted facial hair on the picture. I may
be dumb . . . but my daughter thinks I hung the moon.
I hung it on my
office wall as a reminder for next time I goof up and feel small. But for
heaven's sake, don't tell my friend the judge that I have a little POT up
there, and I use it every day!!! †
