Sex Ed and Fish Tales

 

Or do you not know that your body

is the temple of the Holy Spirit

who is in you, whom you have from God,

and you are not your own?

— 1 Corinthians 6:19

 

            A father and son I know went out in a little fishing boat. It was the father's plan to get his 12-year-old alone, with no smirking friends around, no blaring TV, no iPod, no video games.

This was for a good reason. Because this was a brave, brave man. He was going to do a fatherly duty that we can only wish more fathers had the guts to do: tell him about sex. He wanted the boy to have no distractions, no practical means of escape, no way to change the subject . . . and then, in respectful privacy, man to man, he was going to tell him the facts of life.

            The dad swallowed hard, and began. He told exactly what intercourse is. He named scientific terminology in precise, anatomical detail. He practically used a flow chart, he was so thorough. He tried his best to not leave a single thing out: all the aspects of sexuality, including physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual.

Finally, he was through. The boy just sat there staring at him, bug-eyed.

He gulped, and asked hopefully, "Well, Son, what do you think?"

            This beloved son, the first born of two, scowled, and replied in a voice dripping with disdain:

"I THINK THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!

"AND YOU AND MOM HAVE DONE THAT TWICE?!?!?!?!?"

            Ba-bum crash!

Funny story.

Manly dad.

Cute kid.

Lesson learned.

Sort of.

            Why don't ALL of us parents have stories like that?

            Because all of us parents don't have the guts to do our job, and teach our own kids about sex. But we should: in our own way, our own timing, our own words.

            That's the only way that works. Instead, we dump the job of teaching kids about their own bodies and sexuality on the worst possible instructors - other kids -- or on schools, TV and the street.

            The evidence is overwhelming that "outsourcing" sex education to anyone besides parents is a miserable failure. Just look at the stats on teenage promiscuity. Teen abortions. Teen pregnancy. Teen sex diseases. Pornography. Et cetera.

            It's obvious kids need to know the facts of life. They need to know the risks and responsibilities. They need to set goals for how they will manage their sexual lives.

Some things, only a parent can teach. So don't neglect this important duty. Teach each child that sex is a gift. Like most gifts, there's a time and a place for opening it and enjoying it: marriage. 'Til you're married, there should be no skin-to-skin contact with "swimsuit areas" of your body or anyone else's. You and your date should both keep both feet on the floor while watching TV. Simple, common-sense things like that.

You have to build a relationship for a long, long time before both of you are ready for sex. Even then, the sex has to be within marriage or you'll get hurt - especially if you're female, you will. The double standard is not fair, but it's real.

Most of all, love yourself enough to put your body on that pedestal within that temple that the Bible says your body is, embraced and protected by the Holy Spirit.

Save sex for marriage; that's God's way.

But noooo. Instead of that kind of constructive, positive input, here's what kids get in school sex ed:

            A color photo of a male sexual organ ravaged by a sexually-transmitted disease? Do you want that in your daughter's memory banks?

            A drawing of the female genitalia with cold, graphic detail straight out of a medical school anatomy book? Is that what you want your son to think about girls?

            A discussion group question for 14-year-olds to answer, in front of other kids: "Have you ever had sex when you really didn't want to?"

            How much better it would be for everyone if more parents would do what another mom I know did: she invited her sixth-grade daughter out for a fancy dinner, just the two of them. At the end, the mom lovingly told the girl where babies came from, making it clear that she wanted to be the one to tell her because she loved her so very much.

That little girl got the message, because it was delivered with the one essential element of sex ed, more important than the birds and the bees or the egg and the sperm: love. †