Double D's

 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;

and lean not unto thine own understanding.

— Proverbs 3:5

 

 

I am thankful that we have a God with perfect understanding and listening skills. Otherwise, we'd be toast.

 

Here's a little story to keep you . . . ahem . . . abreast of what I mean:

 

This friend of mine was driving her married son, 22, to pick up his car from the shop. It was a lovely summer morning. They had the windows rolled down in her car and the sunroof open.

 

They were going across a big bridge, so noisy in the rush-hour traffic they practically had to yell. My friend told about a former co-worker of hers, age 49, whom the married son had met, but didn't know very well.

 

It seems this lady had had both of her knees totally replaced the week before. They had both taken a tremendous amount of abuse over the years. Arthritis had apparently finally finished them off.

 

This Lady had wanted them done at the same time because she only wanted one insurance hassle, and she did not have enough disability time to have them done separately.

 

Now, it was really, really noisy on that bridge, in heavy traffic, with the windows down. So when my friend said that the woman had had her "double knees done," her son thought she said her friend had had her . . .

 

. . . "double D's done."

 

As in, the lady had a large bust with size D-cups, and had had breast reduction surgery!

 

But he didn't say so, being a polite young man who loved his mother, even when he thought she was giving him just a WEE bit too much information about someone he barely knew.

 

And so the conversation continued, with the mother convinced her son was one of the most compassionate, caring young men in the whole world, asking all kinds of questions about the procedure.

 

He shouted back to his mom: "Really???? REALLY???? She had double D's? I did not know she HAD that problem. I never really noticed, I guess."

 

His mother shouted back, "Yes, and she did not have enough time built up to take two medical leaves. But she sure didn't want to wait 'til January for the second surgery. The pain would be the same, virtually, to have them done together."

 

"Gee, does insurance PAY for that, Mom?"

 

"Sure, Honey . . . but there was some talk that they might not if it was deemed 'a pre-existing condition.' "

 

"Well, wouldn't it be pre-existing? I mean, how could it NOT be?"

 

"Yeah, I sure would think so. She had scars on both sides already, so there has been one surgery already done. Sounds pre-existing to me, too."

 

As he absorbed this information, the mother continued. "She blew me away the other day when we had coffee. I couldn't believe she had just returned from participating in a regional bowling tournament in Tulsa, had played golf, and had walked to the tennis court to play a few games with her daughter . . . all just before the necessary surgery!

 

"And when we walked to our cars, HERS was in a handicapped stall! I challenged her parking there, and she only shrugged. Those activities HAD to be harder on her knees than walking into Panera's for a bagel."

 

"Yeah," the son agreed, although his perplexity was mounting. "So . . . the weight of her double D's was too much for her knees? Yet she could swing a golf club, serve a tennis ball, and BOWL around them?!?"

 

The mother stared at him. "What are you saying? Her knees ALWAYS hurt. That's why they just REPLACED them."

 

The son pondered: "Ohhhhhh."

 

Then he burst out: "Double KNEES? Did you say KNEES?!? I thought you said D's!

 

"I thought you said 'double D's' way back there on the bridge in the noise!!!"

 

Bowling?!?

 

Pre-existing condition?!?

 

Handicapped parking spot?!?

 

They laughed 'til they cried. As they replayed the conversation with the double entendres, it became even funnier.

 

All I can say is, I'm thankful God always hears us perfectly, and never misunderstands. Otherwise, my prayer life would no doubt get me in . . . double trouble. †